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The Luckiest Unlucky Person with

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KATE BOWLER Author. Professor. Incurable Optimist.

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BLESSING EVERY WEEK

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Hello! If you’re looking for more information about how to book me as a speaker for your event, contact my speaker's bureau. It would be lovely to meet you. Or stop by one of these events:

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2023

Catawba Clergy Days (Salisbury, NC)
11:00 AM EasternIn-Person: Catawba College
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TED MED TALK

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Aspen Ideas | David Brooks

ASPEN IDEAS WITH DAVID BROOKS

Kate Bowler and Lisa Kalanithi

KATE BOWLER AND LUCY KALANITHI

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Jul 2

A Blessing for When You Need a Second to Think It Over
(From THE LIVES WE ACTUALLY HAVE)

Blessed are you who don’t have
all the right answers.
You who realize that “I don’t know”
is the best response and posture for now.
You who lean in, unafraid to learn
and change and be wrong along the way.

Blessed are you,
stretched and pressed and pulled
by the uncertainty,
deciding to not stay the same
because we are not who we were.

We have been pulled into the unknown
without our permission.
But the challenge is the same:
reveal truth in love in the midst of seeming chaos.

Blessed are you who realize that
community can help see truth more fully
even if your chin has to be turned gently toward it.

Being fragile amid a world of hammers
takes courage
to be wrong,
to learn something new,
to choose humility and kindness
over being right.

May we be a people who don’t have it all together
(and who are done posturing).
Curious, hopeful, courageous.
Amen.

Pg 94 from The Lives We Actually Have

Jun 30

This summer I decided it would be wonderful and hilarious is everyone in in the family could have a dream. A dumb plan. A ridiculous idea.

So I asked my 9 year old: “What’s your dream? Just not video games. Video games cannot be your dream.”

“Ohhhhhh, yes. I have one. I need to find treasure.”

WELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL OKAY.

I asked my dad, the historian, about the treasure. We brainstormed beach combing, museums, burying stuff in the backyard and giving him a shovel and a map. We thought about driving to the North Carolina shores and thinking about piracy? But then my dad remembered a wonderful little fact about the city we were about to visit: the river Thames that winds its way through central London has a tide. It goes up and down. And when it goes down, you can make your way down some slippery stairs and comb through some rocks and do a very exciting thing: find treasure.

The amateur archeologists who do this are called “mudlarkers.”
So we joined a group of mudlarkers in pursuit of anything other than vaping pens and syringes. AND THE DREAM WAS FOUND. Victorian sewage pipes. Medieval drinking jars. Clay pipes.

This is the dream, folks. Treasure. Do you have a dream, big or small, you want to try this summer?

Jun 28

Winning and losing. That’s how most of us talk about our health. If you are not “winning” your fight against a disease or your mental health, your tragedy can quickly become a “failure.” But that simply isn’t true.

Listen to my full conversation with Elaine Pagels at the link in my bio. She is such a wise and lovely soul.

Jun 26

When you are the one who gets sick, you can begin to think YOU are the bad thing. Want a blessing for this feeling? For when you feel like your life coming apart has made you *the bad thing* that happened to everyone in your life? You are a gift. You are loved and lovable. But you might need a reminder.

Click on the link in my bio if you need a little boost.

Jun 25

Well this is exactly how I feel about @ilizas. She is so absurdly quick and fun and kind to all humans. All of them.

When @aspenideas allowed this historian to interview a 6x Netflix Comedy Special dominator, you can only imagine what happened…

Polite sitting. That’s what happened. But also I cackled and pointed and yelled and pointed at Dr. Fauci while making “laughter as the best medicine had limitations” jokes.

Best ever. Couldn’t be happy. Stay tuned for the video.

Jun 25

Here’s a blessing for you who feel like the bad thing.

You are everyone’s reminder of frailty, of life’s cruelty. Your chronic pain or depression or regular scans remind those around you that life isn’t as fair or easy as they had hoped.

Blessed are you who try to hide your humanity. You who temper your complaints, who avoid mentioning your next appointment, who pretend you are doing better than you are to make reality a little more palatable for others. You, who try and try and try to make yourself easier to love, easier to be around, easier to manage.

But, dear one, blessed are you because you are not the bad thing. Your illness or grief or despair or addiction is not too much. It’s just your humanity showing.

And blessed are we who get to see it up close. Who, despite our own fears and reminders of our finitude, get to hold your hand as you face each day with courage as you face things you didn’t choose. It is this kind of courageous living– the kind that shows all the shabby edges– that we are so thankful to see up close.

You, blessed one, remind us that life is so beautiful and life is so hard. And we feel lucky for the privilege to do life with you — no matter how difficult, no matter how messy.

You are not the bad thing. You are a gift. And we love every bit of you.

Jun 23

If you are the one whose life has been reordered, I’m so sorry.

We put together a resource page for when ILLNESS HAPPENS—we hope it offers you some encouragement. On your team, always. Click on the link in my bio.

Jun 22

Let it be said these were the Calvin and Hobbes years. The French Fry diet era. The season of “Where is my captain’s hat?”

The time of wiping pea soup off his nose and whispering to every store owner “if you sell my kid a medieval sword I will find out who you are and call your mom.”

Stuffies. Tucking in. Tracing his ear lobes.

Traveling with a 9 year specialist in ordering Sprite at breakfast: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ 5/5

Jun 20

Honesty can be the first casualty of suffering.

What was the very best way someone reminded you that you are *not* the bad thing?

P.S. This video is part of an incredible documentary produced by @katiecouricmedia. Thank you for this rich conversation, @katiecouric, @going_with_grace, and @cocoscaravan.

Jun 19

I think about this conversation probably every day. And this line from my conversation with the wonderful Rabbi @Steve_Leder has stuck with me: “The beauty of a flower is that it fades.”

This precious, insultingly short life. How beautiful. How terrible. ❤

Do you have a time-lapse feeling lately that is making your life beautiful/terrible?

Jun 18

a blessing for when you can't sleep
from THE LIVES WE ACTUALLY HAVE

Oh God, again I lie here.
Awake.
Too tired, too restless, for sleep to come.
How will I ever get through tomorrow?
Oh God, bring peace to my mind and body,
and blanket me in the heaviness of slumber.

Blessed are we, still awake in night’s loud darkness, who say:
Oh God, help me. You know the state I’m in.
My mind is a runaway train,
and my body, its captive.
You know all that troubles me.

Take hold of me.
Steady the racing of my heart.
Breathe fresh comfort through the whole of my being.
Wrap me in the secure knowledge of your love.
Remind me that tomorrow’s worries can wait
because tonight has enough of its own.

Blessed are we who wait in the silence,
who remember that darkness is not dark to you,
who pray, oh God:
receive me,
gather me,
strengthen me,
sustain me,
and free me to tell you everything.

Blessed are we who listen in the quiet,
for you to breathe life
into all that is spent and gone,
filling mind and soul and body with hope,
and the beauty of your peace that passes all
understanding,
gentle as the dawn.

Welcome one sweet thought.
Follow it . . . until it grows into genuine gratitude.
Rest there.

Jun 18

It’s not possible to say no to author and my former podcast guest Christie Watson. I mean, you can try? You can say: “I’ve never performed a wedding before.” You can say: “You’re going to have do a lot of extra work to make me legal in England.” You can even say: “I won’t BE in England?”

But then there you are. In front of 160 of their amazing friends and family. Also dancing like a person who just screamed “I LOVE THIS SONG!” for the 18th time. Because @christiewatsonwriter and her now husband (eek!) Daniel are so incredibly wonderful — and so very deserving of every love — that that kind of happiness needs a witness.

THE HAPPIEST WEDDING I HAVE EVER SEEN. Christie rounded the corner looking stunning and everyone burst into whoops and cheers. And Daniel in his white trainers looked like he swallowed the moon.

It’s a miracle to watch two people — two separate continents — become a world of their own making.

Three cheers for the happiest couple in the world. Also to future podcast guests, my presence at your wedding is now a legal requirement. Can’t wait to meet your families, obviously.

Jun 16

Well, I’m 43 at last. And I’m doing it where I was born (thank you mom and to the UK for giving me this English citizenship. I am wasting it and we both know it.)

And it’s been heart making and heart breaking. Beautiful and terrible. Absurd and completely sobering. And if I was 18 looking at my future I would think, geez, this adult cries significantly more than I would have expected.

(But also thank you to my orthodontist because my smiling teeth are very very symmetrical.)

I got a good scan. Saw a best friend cross the finish line. Taped podcasts while lightly hysterical with joy. Said goodbye to sick friends I don’t expect to see again. Took my family to places my parents took me as a shouty baby. Started a book. Finished a book. Met people who are changing me.

I didn’t realize that it’s possible to change this much and this little in a very long, too short, life. Love to you for helping me do it.

Jun 14

Me: let’s dress up!
Jessica: let’s go punting! Boats! Boats! Boats!
Boatman: So… you both wore camouflage?

Jun 12

Theologian Jurgen Moltmann defined joy as the feeling of being loved.

What is the experience of joy feel like to you?

Jun 11

a blessing for the life you didn't choose

Blessed are you when the shock subsides,
when vaguely, you see a line appear that divides before and after.

You didn’t draw it, and can barely even make it out.
But as surely as minutes add up to hours and days,
here you are,
forced into a story you never would have written.

Blessed are you in the tender place of wonder and dread,
Wondering how to be whole when dreams have disappeared and part of you with them,
where mastery, control, determination, bootstrapping, and grit,
are consigned to the realm of before (where most of the world lives),
in the fever dream that promises infinite choices, unlimited progress, best life now.

Blessed are we in the after, loudly shouting: is there anybody here?
We hear the echo, the shuffle of feet, the murmur of others
asking the same question, together in the knowledge
that we are far beyond what we know.

Show us a glimmer of possibility in this new constraint,
that small truths will be given back to us.
We are held.
We are safe.
We are loved.
We are loved.
We are loved.

And best of all: We are not alone.

Jun 9

How do you live knowing life can just come undone at a moment’s notice? In the span of a few months, Tig Notaro (@therealfluffnotaro) received three life-threatening illnesses and unexpectedly lost her mom.

Oh my word. Tig is a brilliant comedian with a barbwire wit and a heart full of marshmallows.

She has so much to teach us about living honestly in the face of reality. (you HAVE to hear her funny funeral story. You can’t make this up).

Listen to our full conversation via the link in bio or search for EVERYTHING HAPPENS wherever you get your podcasts.

Jun 8

I’m here in London and must must must say… oh hey this is the phenomenon that is Rob Delaney.

Comedian, actor, and writer. Co-creator and co-star of the critically acclaimed show “Catastrophe.”

@robdelaney is also a gorgeous human being and grieving dad who wrote a beautiful memoir about the death of his son Henry. Their love for each other will make your heart grow three sizes.

So if you’d like to have your heart and brain cracked open, take a listen or peek at his book “A Heart That Works.” And look out for a podcast with us alternatively laughing maniacally (me) and weeping openly (also me). He is the real deal.

Jun 6

12-year-old Kate is OVER THE MOON and (let's be honest) 42-year-old Kate is too. I am living my so-called life. When the endlessly charismatic Kelly Corrigan says “Oh, hey, want to have a book club convo with the most talented actress to grace our screens?”

The answer is: “Yes. Yes. Bring me to the location of CLAIRE DANES immediately.”

What a surreal lot of fun to sit down with these two thoughtful and funny women to talk about the things that really matter. What stories animate our lives? What our relationship looks like with money? How does envy show up? What do we wish our kids learn from us?

Listen to @kellycorrigan and @clairedanes and me on Kelly Corrigan Wonders for Part 1 of our book club conversation.

Jun 5

Thinking about all of you parents who are celebrating your kid’s graduations. You did it! You got them across the finish line! As you look forward (or dread) the empty nesting, may you find courage and hope and beauty now too. Bless you in your Act Three.

Are you making any new plans? Are you feeling stuck or excited or like you just need a nap….

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About
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